-There are no US guidelines for the diagnosis and treatment for adult ADHD?

-It takes many years for medical guidelines of any medical diagnosis to be published?

-Only Australia, Canada, Europe, Germany and the United Kingdom presently have published guidelines for adult ADHD?

 Why,  you ask, does this matter?  Imagine that you as an adult realize that you may have ADHD.  You were not diagnosed as a child, but you are suffering from life long symptoms: underachievement, hyperactivity, impulsivity, inability to focus, difficulties with executive functioning, etc.  You speak to your doctor and tell them that you think you might have ADHD.  They look at you blankly.  They say to you, “Well were you diagnosed as a child?  Why are you bringing this up now? I don’t know anything about ADHD.  You seem to have done fine, you’re an accomplished adult.”  Or the worst statement of all, “Oh, you don’t have ADHD, that’s a childhood disease.”  (Yes, I know of more than one person whose doctor said this to them.)  Many doctors simply don’t know much about ADHD, especially those who aren’t pediatricians.  They don’t know what to say, let alone what to do with someone who presents themself with ADHD issues.  Don’t you think these responses are ineffective, placating and dismissive?  What is even more bothersome, is that doctors simply do not know much if anything about ADHD.  Please understand, I am not throwing every physician under the bus here.  But it is widely known that the medical community simply does not have the knowledge to address adult ADHD.  Many well meaning physicians will then pass you along to a psychiatrist.  But even finding psychiatrists who have experience and knowledge in adult ADHD are very difficult to find.  And if you do find a psychiatrist who is well versed in ADHD, it can either take months to get in to see them or they  don’t take insurance of any kind. 

On another side of the coin, was the probable overdiagnosis of ADHD during the pandemic, and the plethora of online testing, diagnosis and again, probable over and inappropriately prescribing of stimulants.  There seemed to be hundreds of online mental health sites offering diagnosis and prescriptions for all kinds of mental health issues.   Many of those sites ended up being shut down over time. And there was true risk of people becoming addicted to those wrongfully prescribed stimulants.  

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders V (DSM) is the handbook used by healthcare professionals in the United States and much of the world as the authoritative guide on the diagnosis of mental disorders. DSM contains descriptions, symptoms and other criteria for diagnosing mental disorders.   The DSM 5 (5th edition)  in its description of ADHD does not address ADHD in adults.   Yes, typically ADHD is diagnosed most often in children, but many children aren’t diagnosed and when they mature into adults, they suddenly find themselves unable to cope with work or school or life. It is then very difficult to get diagnosed and treated.  There are many adults suffering from a  plethora of ADHD symptoms that their physicians just simply don’t know what to do.   

There is good news though on the horizon for the U.S.  I attended a session at the International Conference on ADHD about the progress taking place right now in the development of Adult ADHD guidelines.  The impetus for developing these guidelines were in response to the telehealth diagnosis and prescribing of ADHD medications during the pandemic. The  American Professional Society of ADHD and Related Disorders (APSARD) were concerned about the overprescribing of stimulants and the possibility of creating another opioid-like epidemic.  The two leading physicians from
APSARD described the process of developing the guidelines.   As you can imagine, it takes years for any kind of government  medical guidelines to get accepted and published.   Those of us attending were informed about the process and the timeline.  It looks like if all goes to plan and there are no more delays, there should be US ADHD adult guidelines in 2025.    This will help thousands of adults with ADHD, get diagnosed and treated with consistent and well documented care. For Ryan, this also means that his physicians and therapist will have guidelines to help treat him as an adult and not have to rely on just their own experience or articles written in medical journals.    What a wonderful hope for the future.  Physicians and psychotherapists will be able to easily access this information and help their patients. I look forward to the day when these guidelines are finally published.  

If you want to read more about the  process and information about the guidelines please click on the APSARD link below:

US Guidelines for Adults with ADHD

I was very fortunate to attend the International Conference on ADHD this past weekend in Baltimore.  Over 2,000 physicians, therapists, coaches, educators, parents and individuals who either work with, live with, and/or have the gift of ADHD themselves attended.  For three days, I ate with, communed with, and took classes with a group of people who are passionate about ADHD, want to learn more about ADHD and want to share with others their insight, information and ongoing medical and psychological studies.  I was able to meet in person for the first time with classmates from my coaching course who had become dear friends.  I met and made new friends from all over the United States and Canada who had a single thing in common: ADHD.

Unfortunately, there is not enough space here to tell you all the things that I learned.  But I took one very important nugget away from this conference,  and that is a renewed appreciation for Ryan.  At almost every turn, I was reminded of how extraordinary he is.  Although I work with ADHDers every day and I am one myself, I often forget that Ryan is the reason I am a coach,  and the reason for going to the conference.  As I sat in one of the keynote addresses, I was struck by how difficult, yet wonderful an ADHDer’s life can be.  I was reminded again that Ryan’s brain works differently, that he often has to work twice as hard as a neurotypical person.  That his ability to be resilient  and his determination  is remarkable.  That there are thousands of people just like him who struggle every single day to get motivated, to complete tasks, to focus on something that isn’t interesting, to get to places on time, to not procrastinate.  I was reminded to take a step back and look at Ryan as a whole person and not at his individual struggles. I was reminded to take that all important pause when struggles in life or communication seem to be mountainous.  I can tell you that I sat in one keynote address and cried, and cried.  Not out of sadness, but as if a lightning bolt had hit me.  A huge reminder to why I was there and  that Ryan is not alone.  There is great hope for Ryan and all who are like him.  

•  Thank you Ryan, for who you are.  Your future is bright even though the path to get there is littered with obstacles.  I will continue to be your cheerleader and promise to take the pause when things don’t go as planned and help you when you ask. I will always be here for you.   I love you. 

Does this sound and look like your life?:

“Mom, I can’t find my book!”

“Honey, you need to pay the bill now!”

“Mom, I left my lunch at home!”

“Oh for goodness sake, my car needs gas!”

“I’m sick, please call the doctor!”………

……..I need to call the pharmacy for a refill for my son’s meds.  I need to pick up the dry cleaning today.  The dogs need to be fed.  I need to figure out what’s for dinner.  My mother calls and needs help fixing a broken door handle.  I leave tomorrow for a trip and have yet to think about packing.  I have to go to the bank, go to the grocery store, go to the pharmacy, go get my nails done, and make a dentist appointment.  Oh, and did I mention that my dog has diarrhea and I need to take him to the vet?   And my friend just called and has a flat tire and wants to know if I can take her to the bookstore.  My husband called shortly after and told me that he can’t pick up the certified letter at the post office during his lunch hour, so can I please go pick it up?  I have real work to get done too.  How am I going to get it all done?  I get another call from my son, then my daughter, then my husband, but I don’t answer……

“Calgon, take me away!”  (If you don’t know this statement, look it up!)  I just can’t do any more.  I wear so many hats.  But, it seems like today, the only  hat I am wearing is a firefighters hat. Make it stop!  For all that is holy, make it stop!  There’s too much drama in my life.  I cannot think clearly.  I don’t know what step to take next.  There’s always a fire to put out.  Wait, it’s more like spot fires all over the forest floor.  If I don’t put them out, then the whole forest, (my life) is just going to completely go up in flames!  My emotions, my brain, and my nervous system cannot go on.

You can make the above fit anyone’s life at certain times.  The one I described has been mine at times as a wife, mother, daughter and friend.  But anyone can relate as I’m sure most people have had those days and even weeks when EVERYTHING is important, urgent and emergent.  Are you a student that has ADHD and has numerous assignments overdue, or papers to write and finals to study for?  Or are you an employee who has multiple reports to write, and the boss is asking for you to do one more thing, and your co-worker has just asked you for help on a project, and you get a call from your kid’s school because your kid is sick?  Do you then just go into your office, shut the door and watch TikTok?  

How do you manage your life when it goes sideways?  And if you’re neurodivergent, it can be so much more difficult to get through it unscathed.  Literal shut down and overwhelm can happen and then where do you find yourself?  Do you  crawl into bed, play games, continuously scroll through social media, or do anything that removes you from the chaos like shutting your office door and screaming?    

It would be so helpful if we could just plan ahead and be prepared when life throws us a curveball, wouldn’t it?  We can’t know every morning when we get up what the day will bring.  But there are some lessons and tools we can employ when they do.  And knowing ourselves and what may tip us over can be useful.  It just takes a little self reflection and planning. Easy, right?  Well, yes it can be, but you have to find the time to figure it out.  

If you’re still reading this, then maybe now is a good time to think about it.  How would it feel if you just took five or ten minutes when you’re done here and figure out a few “fire prevention” strategies.   

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

1.  When you get up in the morning, write and/or review your to do list for the day.  Place a star next to the ones that are critical to do that day.  
2. Leave time open in your day for urgent things.  If you don’t use that time, then you can use that time as relaxation time.
3. Learn how to say no.  You don’t have to do everything.  If someone else can do it, then ask.  If you don’t have time, then say so,  And keep your reason simple.  You don’t have to explain why you can’t do it.  That will just take more energy than you  have.  
4. Take a deep breath when you’re feeling overwhelmed.  Hitting that pause button for just a moment can help reset your mind.
5. Take a 5-10  minute break.  Take a quick walk or sit and pray, breathe or meditate, or read.
6. Ask for help from your children, your partner, your friends.
7. Let Calgon take you away.  Have a warm shower or bath.  
8. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb except for the critical people in your life.  
9. Try not to overschedule yourself.  You will have more time in your day for those pesky emergencies that arise.
10. Have a good cry.  Yes, it can be exhausting, but oh so cleansing.  

When all is said and done, everyone has those critical fire burning days. If you have ADHD though, those days can derail you more than neurotypicals.  Get out your tool box and try adding some of the above strategies, or use any that have worked for you in the past.  Just remember though that if and  when you lose your poop, and can’t seem to stamp out those darn flames, be compassionate and forgiving of yourself.  Afterall, you’re practicing and learning what tools will work and which ones won’t.   And be like Smokey Bear:  “Only you can prevent forest fires!”  Well,  that may be true in the real forest but not so true in everyday life.  The threat is real!

One of my most favorite songs of the holiday season is “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, sung by Andy Williams..  Most often, the first time that I hear it during the year,  is  at Disney’s California Adventure the weekend before Thanksgiving.  It’s a wonderful way to kick off the holiday season and it truly puts me in the holiday mood.  Happiness and joy fill my soul as I sing it aloud, much to the dismay and horror from my family and friends that surround me.  Year after year for the past thirty-ish years I have forced those around me to participate in my silliness.  Afterall, whether it’s Disneyland or DCA, it’s the happiest place on earth!  At least for  those few days I’m there 

How long does this feeling of the holidays being the most wonderful time of the year last?  For most people I know, not long.  The never ending planning, shopping, parties, card addressing, spending time with family, and finishing up year end activities can simply stretch us and send us over the edge well before any holiday actually arrives.  And the stress just gets worse the closer  one gets to Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and New Years.

The holidays are stressful enough for neurotypicals, but for those who have any form of ADHD, watch out.  Holiday time for the neurodivergent is like walking through a minefield.  It is a perfect storm for overwhelm,  and getting those pesky brain executive functioning skills to work on all cylinders is tricky.  

Let’s take a look at what can go wrong for ADHDers in full holiday mode:

1.  You want to send out Christmas cards.  You purchase the cards well in advance, maybe even the year before when they went on sale.  Now you can’t find where you put them.  Or you decide that you want to address them and get them out in the mail right after Thanksgiving.  You have every intention of getting them ready to go, but somehow time slips away, and now it’s December first so you decide you’ll get to them this weekend to write them.  But something comes up and you didn’t write this task down in your planner.  Now it’s December fifteenth.  You still think you have plenty of time  to get them done, but for some reason you just can’t get yourself motivated to write them.  Oh well, you still have a few days to get them done.  It’s now December twenty fourth and your cards still haven’t gone out in the mail.  Maybe no one will notice or care that they haven’t gotten a card from you yet, so you think that you can get them done the week before New Years.  Well, you think that maybe you should just send out New Years cards, but you don’t have any.  So you open your computer and go down the rabbit hole of looking at New Years cards that you can buy.  That becomes an hour that you have just lost and for heaven’s sake it’s Christmas Eve and you have yet to wrap all the  presents for your family because you have been so busy with other things that you just haven’t gotten around to wrapping yet.  Oh it’s going to be another late night and who knows how much sleep you’re going to get. Oh just forget it.  Noone will get cards this year.  At least you’ll have cards for next year! 
2. You have way too many gifts to buy for family and friends.  Last year you planned on buying presents throughout the year so that the holiday crush wouldn’t be so overwhelming this year.  Well that didn’t work.  Here you are one week before Hanukkah or Christmas.  Nothing has been bought.  The idea of going out shopping is too overwhelming.  There’s too many people out.  There’s too many distractions, and all the pretty shiny decorations in the stores and all the music just exhausts you physically and mentally.  Ah, forget it.  You will just buy everything online, don’t think much about it, and get your loved ones things that they may not like.  But at least you’ve got something for them or a gift card. 
3. Parties.  Everyone loves holiday parties don’t they?  But you have to think about what you’re going to wear, what time you have to leave to get there, and then when you do get there, make small talk.  Ugh, you hate small talk.  You don’t want to go, but you go anyway since you are expected to be there.  Most of the time you do enjoy yourself once you get there, but getting there is so difficult.  And you never ever get there on time because you haven’t planned anything in advance.  Oh and you forgot the host gift and had to go back home to get it which made you even later.
4. You really do love the holidays, but for goodness sake, you are exhausted!!!

What can be done to manage your life better during the holidays?  First, figure out what is truly important to you.  Do you really want to send cards?  If no, then just don’t do it.  Take it off your plate.  And don’t feel bad about it or justify it to anyone.  Let it go.  If it is important to you, then find a way to make it easier on yourself.  Order cards online.  You can even have the card company address for you, or just send out electronic cards. . 

Second, and this takes motivation during the year, which I know is hard, but stay with me here for a moment.  Second, when you go shopping during the year, and you see something that a friend or family member might want for a holiday gift, buy it right then and there.  When you get home, delegate a specific place where you will put ALL of the gifts you have purchased.  Make a note in your phone or in your calendar or tell someone else you can trust where that place is, and who you bought for.  This will prevent you trying to figure out where everything is when you get closer to the holidays..    

Third, you don’t have to go to every party.  Pick and choose which ones you believe are the most important ones and the ones you will most enjoy.  Unfortunately, you may have to attend some family gatherings you don’t want to attend, but suck it up.  Set up your exit plan before you go.  Oh,  and can’t figure out what to wear to the party?  Set up a notification in your calendar a week before to remind you to find an outfit.  Maybe even wear that same outfit to more than one party.  It will make the decision making problem go away. 

Fourth, utilize help!  Ask a friend or your husband/wife, or your older child to help you with tasks and to keep you on schedule.  

Fifth, set a date for yourself with a good holiday movie and wrap presents.  Make it a party for yourself.  Have a favorite beverage ready, and everything you need to wrap those presents.  Make it fun!

Sixth,, as you find the tools that work for you, make a holiday planning notebook.  Write down the things that worked well for you this year and how you accomplished them and when you accomplished them.  Write down a to do list of everything that needs to be done during the holidays.  Add pages of a calendar for the months of November and December for this year and next year. Review your planning notebook every day.  Add things in as needed    After the holidays, find a safe place for it, and make sure that you have kept a note in your phone or on your desk, or tell someone you trust where you have put it.  Next year, right after  Halloween, pull it out and review it, then plan out all of the taks, events, etc on the calendar.  

Finally, breathe and take a pause.  Remind yourself of what the holidays are really all about.  When you do, ask yourself again what’s really important to you.  Let go of the things that don’t resonate with you and embrace the things that do.  My hope for you is that you can make the best of your holidays and enjoy them thoroughly!  Happy Holidays to one and all!

Saying no to recreational drugs

When Ryan was in eleventh grade, we needed to have a neuropsych evaluation in order to get accommodations for college.  Over two grueling days of testing, the neuropsychologist was able to get a full picture of how Ryan’s brain worked.  I am sure many of you will want to know more about this testing and the results and why it was necessary for the testing to be done at least a full year before Ryan entered college.  I don’t want to explain or discuss all of that here in this particular blog.  What I want to focus on is what the neuropsychologist said to Ryan when she discussed the results with him and with me.  I feel compelled to share one particular conversation.  Well, it was not so much of a conversation, but a directive.

As Ryan and I were sitting on a comfy couch in a pleasantly cool and calmly decorated office, the neuropsychologist was explaining to Ryan and I how Ryan’s brain could be optimally used.  I had been given the sixty some page report, and with Ryan sitting next to me, we would follow along as the doctor would direct us to the page she was on and did her best to describe her findings.  There was so much information to understand and grasp, that it was challenging and overwhelming at the time.  But there was one thing that she said, that was not in the report, but it was directed to Ryan firmly and with great concern. She asked him to look at her and with great solemnity she said, “Ryan, your brain on drugs and alcohol will be a horrible combination.  Stay away from them.  It could be disastrous for you.”  Ryan responded with, “Alright, I’ll stay away from them.”    I was so grateful to her at that moment and I told her so.   

When do we as parents have this conversation with our children and what impact do we actually have when we tell them “Don’t do drugs.”  They hear it at school.  They hear it from their pediatricians.  They hear it in advertisements on television.  But what kind of impact does it have?  This moment with the neuropsychologist was THE most impactive anti-drug, anti-alcohol  message for Ryan.  I could see in his behavior and body language in that moment, how important that message was and how that message got through to him.  To this day, this is one of the most important gifts that Ryan has been given. 

There is scientific back up to prove that ADHDers are more susceptible to drug abuse.  Whether it’s due to not having enough dopamine, or depression or anxiety, many ADHDers seek out something, anything that will make them feel better. Many look to self medicate.  Whether it’s alcohol, meth, oxy, heroin or any other drug you can name.

In many states where marijuana is legal, ADHDers can easily use  it.  Pot alters brain chemistry.  An ADHDer already has altered brain chemistry.  So what kind of effects will pot have on the ADHDers brain?  Who knows? But it’s probably not a good one.   We don’t always know how a neurotypical’s  brain will react on pot, so do we really want to find out how an ADHDer’s brain will react?  The answer is no.  We don’t even want to go there.  I think an even scarier idea is the legalization of mushrooms in some cities and soon to be states.  Frightening.  You never know what kind of trip you’re going to have even if you’re neurotypical.  It scares me to death to think of what might happen for an ADHDer on mushrooms.   

How do we keep ADHDers off drugs?  First, learning about how drugs can affect an ADHDers brain.  Research, read, and educate yourself if you are a parent of an ADHDer or have ADHD yourself.  Second, treat the ADHD and its co-diagnoses.  Stimulants,  anti anxiety medications, antidepressants, therapy,  and coaching are important to manage a life with ADHD.  By the way, there is no scientific data that shows addiction to stimulants in those with ADHD.  Third, offer extra support to teenagers and college students.  This is the time when many of ADHDers ‘ friends are experimenting.  They will face hard peer pressure and even bullying if they refuse to participate.  Fitting in is important.  They will need extra support from their family.  Fourth, support your friends and loved ones with ADHD.  Talk to them.  Get to know them.  Don’t ever pressure them to have a drink or a smoke.  Be open to help them on their unique journey.

Following are some links regarding drug addiction in those with ADHD:

https://childmind.org/article/adhd-and-substance-abuse/

https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adhd-and-substance-abuse-is-there-a-link

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4414493/

The Truth About ADHD and Addiction

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/adhd/Pages/ADHD-and-Substance-Abuse-The-Link-Parents-Need-to-Know.aspx

Finally, if you or a loved one is addicted to or having problems staying away from drugs, please talk to your doctor or call the SAMHSA hotline at 1-800-662-4357

All of us humans at one point or another deal with worry.  For many, worry doesn’t find a place in the brain and set up residence.  For others, worry not only takes residence, but it builds an entire housing project, and when you try to evict it, the worry refuses to leave.  If you have ADHD, your struggles with worry can be  more pronounced.  A lifetime of extra pressures, failures, and hypersensitivities can set up the perfect storm for you.  Whether you have ADHD or not,  having tools in your toolbox  to help manage your worry and stress are paramount to moving forward and being successful in life. 

 I was  attending a webinar the other day about ADHD and some of the disorders that go along with it. The psychologist who was leading the webinar, mentioned something that caught my interest.  In fact it caught my interest so much that I then had a hard time focusing on the rest of the webinar because I couldn’t stop thinking about this idea and how I could use this tool for myself.  As is often the case, I can get so excited about an experience or idea, that I just have to share it with others. Sometimes my sharing falls flat and I get blank stares because my audience just doesn’t quite get why it’s so meaningful to me, or why I’m so excited by it, or frankly, they simply just don’t get ME.   I admit, sometimes I can  be a bit much.  But,  I hope that in my sharing of this particular idea, that someone who reads this will feel that it speaks to them and they will want to try it.  

Okay here it is.  If you have a difficult relationship with worry, name it.  Literally.  Give it a name.  Treat it like a separate person.  Any name will do.  Maybe it’s a nemesis from childhood.  Maybe the name is of someone from a movie.  Maybe it’s the name of a particularly evil spiritual being.  Maybe it’s a particular name that you have just never liked.  Just don’t name it after your mother or sibling or someone that you work with,  or your boss.  That would be awkward if someone hears you having a one way conversation with your boss in your office and your boss isn’t there.  

When worry overcomes you, talk to it in the third person.  My worry’s name is Pisa.  Pisa is a play on the name of a nemesis of mine in junior high.  Acknowledge its existence.  Tell it that it’s not serving you.  Tell it to let go of you.  Tell it that you are going to pause, take a deep breath and say what you are going to do about it.  Tell it to go away.  Tell it that it’s not going to derail you today.  Tell it that you are bigger than it.  Tell it that you are going to talk to a friend to help you get through the things that it’s throwing at you.  Tell it that you are going to ignore it. Tell it to shut up.   Tell it you’re going to pray.  Tell it you’re going to walk away.  Tell it that you know you can be successful and brilliant and wonderful without it shouting at you. 

      You can talk to your worry outloud  or to yourself.  You can look in a mirror and talk to it. You can write a quick note to it.  Whatever will work for you at the moment.   Just remember that it’s a one-way conversation.  Don’t allow your worry to respond and get a word in.  And finally, tell it what you’re going to do about it nagging you.  Tell it your plan of action. 

Here’s an example of a conversation I had recently with Pisa.  “Pisa, you are bothering me today.  I don’t like it.  You are preventing me from getting things done.  The things you are telling me aren’t serving me.  You have put me in a situation that I don’t like and I’m through with you today.  Some of the things you are telling me, I can’t do anything about.  The other things that I can do something about, I promise you, I am taking steps forward to managing those with the help of my family, friends and God.  Go away.  Leave me alone.  I don’t have the bandwidth to manage you and everything else.  So,  buh bye.”    

As you work through your relationship with worry, remember that your unique brain is just that – unique.  Others around you may judge you or give you a hard time about your struggle with worry.  They may try to tell you not to worry, or that you are not trusting in God, or that you just need to let things go.   All this does is make you feel bad about yourself, that there is something wrong with you or you’re weak.  Attempt to consider the source and have people around you who you can trust with the knowledge of your inner workings.  Find help through friends who will listen, coaches, therapists, teachers or your religious leader. 

Are any of the following beliefs, yours?

• I am not good at math so I won’t ever pass a math class, so why should I even try?
• I have ADHD and I won’t ever be successful
• My parents told me that “You’re not special so don’t act like you are.”  So I believe I’m not special.
• I’m super competitive and want to win so badly, so I won’t play a game, play a sport, run for any office because it will be so devastating if I lose
•  Someone told me that I’ll never amount to anything.  That’s true, I haven’t.
• I have nothing to be thankful for
• I don’t have friends because everyone hates me
• I can’t do that because  I’m _______________( add your gender here).  
• I feel guilty because I’ve done something that my religious beliefs that I’ve grown up with have made me believe that what I’ve done is wrong.  
• I believe I’m not worthy of anything.
• I’m so lazy, I can’t get anything done.

If you see yourself in one of the above statements, then chances are,  they are holding you back from living your best life.  If none of these statements ring true, then ask yourself , “What beliefs are holding me back?”  

Why is this important?   Because our beliefs about ourselves  can have positive and/or negative effects on how we live our lives.  Do you try to set goals for yourself and then decide you’ll never reach them because you have a belief that you can’t?  Or has someone in authority, whether parents, teachers or others,  told you something about yourself that you believe to be true? 

Beliefs are important, obviously.  Beliefs about who we are are ingrained in us from a very young age.  They help us develop our self image.  Over the years, some of those beliefs about ourselves can become so ingrained for better or worse, that they become unconscious.  For many of us, we don’t question those beliefs about ourselves until we come face to face with a problem that we just can’t seem to solve in our life, or we start to feel so badly about ourself that we search out help from a professional.  

For someone who has ADHD, negative beliefs about themselves can become landmines.  They lurk in the path of success, often detonating at the most unsuspecting moments.  ADHDers are often told all about the negative effects of having ADHD by doctors, teachers and even parents..  Those negative effects can become deep seated beliefs.  Some of those false ideas are: 

• You will not be able to go to college
• You will never be able to focus enough to finish any project
• You will have trouble finding and keeping friends
• You will become addicted to your meds
• If you let your employer know you have ADHD, then you’ll get fired
• You will struggle to have a successful romantic relationship
• If you get labeled in school then people will look at you differently and negatively.

ADHDers are told these lies by well meaning people.  These lies easily become beliefs.  These beliefs then become such a part of the ADHDers life, that the ADHDer truly believes that they won’t  be successful in life because they have ADHD.  Then it becomes very difficult to unravel the harm.  It takes a lot of hard work and time and patience and possibly even a lot of money  to help the ADHDer challenge these beliefs and find a new way of seeing themselves.  Therapy, counseling and coaching the ADHDer are ways to help them navigate the damaging beliefs they have about themselves, but can be so worth it.  A new and exciting way of thinking about themselves will emerge, proving to themselves and others that yes, they can have a successful and fulfilling life.   

It’s ADHD awareness month.  For those of you who are reading this and want to learn about the myths and facts of ADHD, please click or copy and paste into your browser the following link.  By learning about these myths and facts, you can help debunk many misconceptions and prevent negative beliefs.   

Myths and Facts about ADHD

Part 3 – The College Student and Planning Ahead

I promise, this is the last post about calendars.  I believe though, that this might be the most important.  College is where the rubber hits the road for so  many,  as this is the time that the young adult now faces a new time in their lives of pure independence.  Parents typically do not loom over them telling/asking them what to do.  Although, I know a lot of parents who still attempt to do this from afar and on a daily basis.  “Who, me”, you say?  

Many students who were successful in high school now find themselves in a very different situation when away from home.  There’s all kinds of competing activities that pull them away from why they are in college in the first place.  Dorm life, classes, parties, hanging out with friends, clubs, Greek life, how, what and when to eat, laundry, sleeping, homework, are all jockeying  for attention.  It’s a lot!  Those of us who were privileged enough to go away to university, understand how fun but at the same time, how hard it was.   Yes, some college students get along just fine and are able to juggle everything with ease.  But a large group of college students find the struggle very real,  and then if they are neurodivergent, the struggle is even more difficult.

Using a planner/calendar is an absolute must. I try not to make black and white adamant statements.  But I am here. I feel very strongly about it if you couldn’t tell.  I’m going to get to the nitty gritty of how this can all work for a student and I’m directing this not to you the parent or adult but to the student.

So I pose these questions to the college student.  Do you want to pass your classes and be successful in school?  Do you want to graduate?  Do you want to keep your parents off your back?  Do you want to have fun too, and not be going crazy when you “forget” to do an assignment?  If you answered yes, then here’s what I suggest:

1.  Figure out first what will work best for you.  Do you do better with a physical journal, an online calendar, or a hybrid of both?  Do you remember things better if you physically write things down?  Then use a physical planner/calendar.  Do you find it just easier to use a digital calendar because you always have your phone or laptop with you?  Then use a digital calendar.  Do you like putting your information in a digital calendar and then rewrite them in a physical planner?  Then use both
2. If you decide to use a physical calendar, consider getting one that has a monthly view and weekly view with space to write your specific assignments in on the day they are due with more specifics.
3. Write/enter  EVERYTHING into your calendar.  Your class schedule, your assignment due dates, your meetings, your club dates, your party dates, your tasks; whatever you have going on.
4. Look at your calendar at least EVERY morning.  What good is using a calendar if you never look at it and then rely on your brain to remember stuff.  Good luck with that.  You won’t remember everything.  Take the pressure off yourself and your brain by keeping all of that information out of  your very busy and overwhelmed gray mass.   It will be even better if you can check your calendar in the middle of the day and then at night to check on what the next day will bring.
5. At the beginning of the week, schedule in when you are going to do your homework, and when you are going to work on specific assignments, so that you aren’t doing an assignment at 1130pm on Friday night when the assignment is due at 11:59pm.  In other words -plan ahead.
6. At the beginning of the week, ask yourself if you are going to need to go to office hours, or need a tutor for an assignment that week.  If you think you might, then you can schedule that ahead of time and not freak out later when you realize that it might be too late.  
7. If you use Google calendar, consider using color coding for different classes and tasks and appointments.  Then you can overlay them on each other and see when you have free time for let’s say, fun, or calling your parents, since they will be missing you soooo much..  
8. Consider using Monday.com to help manage projects, tasks and goals.  
9. Check to see if your university uses an online planner or calendar program.  Many do.  
10. Have fun with your calendar.  Need to make it pretty and colorful to motivate you to use it?  Then do that.  Use stickers and colored pencils and markers.  Go crazy.
11. Struggling with figuring out what  calendar system to use or just not able to take the time to do it?  Or does this  just overwhelm you?  Consider asking a friend to keep you accountable or use a coach, mentor, tutor or academic advisor to help you.  Don’t want to ask anyone for help?  Check out YouTube.  

Bottom line.  Using a planner/calendar can give you peace of mind, keep you from being overwhelmed and give you some semblance of peace.  How great would it be to not have to think about what you need to do and when you need to do it.  Your brain will thank you.  Your nervous system will thank you.  And when your parents ask you about how classes are going, you can HONESTLY tell them that you’ve got it under control.  That’s a big bonus!  

For parents of ADHD Students

(Helping your student use a calendar)

A few weeks ago I wrote about the importance of keeping a calendar and how different calendars can work for you.  This blog is about the importance of  calendar keeping for students and how parents can help. 

Following is a “made up” conversation between a parent and high school or college student:

Mother:  “David, when is your assignment due?”

David:  “Mom, I don’t know.  I think it’s due next week sometime.”

Mother:  “Next week, sometime?  You’re not sure?  What about your math exam?  When is that?  

David:  “I don’t know.  I’ve got it written somewhere.  But don’t worry.  I’ll look at the syllabus.  Or the teacher will remind us tomorrow in class.   I think I might have it written in my notebook somewhere.”

Mother:  “Well, isn’t it written in your calendar? “

David:   “I don’t know where my calendar is.  And it’s no big deal.”

Mother:  “Well,  could you please go find out the information now?  Don’t you think you should have it in your calendar so it doesn’t sneak up on you and then you’ll have procrastinated?

David:  “Fine.  I’ll go look it up on the teacher’s webpage. “

A few minutes later……..  

David (yelling);  “Oh no, the paper is due in two days and the math test is tomorrow!  What am I going to do?  I don’t have time to study and write a paper,  I’ve got other things I need to do!”

Mom (exasperated):  “You should have had this written in your calendar!  I don’t know why you don’t use your planner!”

How many of us have been the parents of David in the above scene?  Most of us probably.  Why did/do we as students not use a planner?  If left to ourselves, we would find ourselves not getting anything turned in on time or not studying for an exam.    Oh, we have every intention of using one.  We start out the year with high hopes and find a planner we like, start using it for a little while and then “POOF” we stop.  Why?  Oh, it takes time to use it.  Oh, it’s not interesting or fun to use it.  Oh, forgetfulness or procrastination sets in.  Oh, the planner I chose isn’t working for me afterall.  Or, the bigger kicker, I have never used a calendar.

Well, bottom line, it’s imperative to use some kind of calendar or planner or time keeping system for assignments, tasks, and appointments for students.  High school students and college students for sure need a planner, and many middle school students need one as well, especially if the student has ADHD.  And guess what?  Because the student has ADHD and using a planner is imperative, it is much more difficult for an ADHDer to keep one.  Of course!!  Weak executive functioning skills such as time management and organization are very common in ADHDers.

As parents, we try to pound it into our students’ brains over and over again – “YOU HAVE TO KEEP A CALENDAR!”  Well that isn’t going to work.  We can become exasperated and frustrated and so very upset when time and time again, our student “forgets” to work on an assignment because they either don’t have a calendar  or haven’t written the assignment in their calendar or planner.. Don’t know what to do?  At your  wit’s end?  All that begging, pleading not working?

You need to get buy-in from your student.  And that buy- in requires a conversation.    Asking your student how they feel about keeping track of their assignments  as well as asking them how they want to use a planner is a great first step in moving them toward using one.  Having them start with small steps will help them eventually  learn how to manage their time, tasks, assignments and appointments.  Just be aware though that it may take a very long time to get to that eventuality.  

Once you get the buy-in and you and your student understands and accepts the idea of keeping a calendar, then it’s time to discover what kind of planner/calendar will work for them.  Will it be a written calendar or digital?  Will it be large or small?  Will it be a hybrid of both  hand written and digital?  Starting out with something simple may be the best, as anything complicated can be overwhelming and then success will be futile.  Take your student to any store that has calendars and see what your student gravitates to.  You can make suggestions, but remember this is their planner, not yours.  What you think may work for you, may not be what works for them.   You can also look at Google calendar and other online calendar systems like Monday.com, or do some searching on YouTube for calendars for ADHDers.  There’s so much out there that I can’t even begin to tell you all about the different calendar systems.  Be prepared to go through at least a few different kinds of calendars.  One may work fine for a while and then for whatever reason it won’t.  Then you’ll need to go back to the drawing board.  Be patient and encouraging.  

If you just aren’t able to get you and your student on the same page and you’re just not seeing eye to eye, then maybe consider getting a school counselor, or educational therapist or an ADHD coach (like me – I know, nice plug!) to help collaborate and work with your student to figure all of this out.    And start this process when they’re young.  The sooner a student learns how to manage their homework, assignments and projects, the better prepared they will be for college and a career. And you can stop nagging them.  How nice will that be?

If there’s any students reading this and finding it difficult to keep track of everything and finding it difficult to still get your work done?  Next blog is going to be directed at you and how you can manage larger projects and papers and to do lists. 

It’s 2:00 AM.  I’m awake.  Fully awake.  My mind is racing.  I’m worried about a bunch of things I need to do.  I’m worried about whatever might be going on with my kids.  I’m thinking about all the decisions I need to make today when I get up.  Other things flutter by like butterflies through my mind.  Oh, there it goes.  Oh, there, it’s back.  I really need to get back to sleep, otherwise I’m going to be dead on my feet all day.  Oh, how I just need to get back to sleep.  But I can’t get these thoughts out of my head.  I reach for my phone  for the third time in fifteen minutes.  Sigh.  It’s time to get up and brain dump.  I get up, pick up my journal and pen that’s laying on the bedside table, and wander to the kitchen.  I turn on the light and start writing furiously, getting all of what’s in my head, out on paper.  Ahhhhh, that feels much better.  I get a drink of water, head back to bed, and fall blissfully to sleep.

Do you see yourself in the story above?  Ever had so much going on in your brain about decisions you need to make, things to do, places to go, to do lists,  and so many ideas and thoughts?  Do you overthink and have so much anxiety that you are overwhelmed?  Does this brain “mess” keep you from doing anything at all?

Brain dump.  Let it all out. I mean everything.  Spill your thoughts on the page; plans, dreams, decisions, ideas, tasks; anything that has gotten ahold of your brain.  Write it ALL down,  Doesn’t have to make sense.  Doesn’t have to be in full sentences, or everything spelled correctly.  Write in circles, or squares or scribbles.  JUST GET IT OUT of that overloaded brian.  Think of a big white board filled with things that may look nonsensical.  Don’t think hard about it, just let it flow.  When you’re done, go back to sleep or to whatever you were doing before you just brain dumped.  Walk away and come back to the dump after you’ve had a chance to breathe. 

Once you’ve come back to that piece of paper or journal.  What are you going to do with it?  Are you going to :

Read through it once.  Does anything yell at you to pay attention to it?  If so, pay attention to it and do what it’s telling you to do.

Share with someone who can help you prioritize or separate out things that have common threads or themes.  You can chunk those together which will help with clarity. 

Keep it for posterity as a way to remind yourself that your brain works differently and brain dumping is a great way to clear your head

What to use?  A notebook, notepad  or journal.  If you have ADHD though, I don’t recommend using a single piece of paper.  Chances are, you’ll lose it.  Take it from someone who knows…..you’ll waste time looking for it, get frustrated and then get angry.  Not a good use of your precious time.  

Use a brain dump app.  Google it.  There’s a bunch out there.  Personally, I like Obsidian or Evernote

Use a brain dump worksheet.  Make your own or you can Google it as well.  My favorite right now has the left side of the paper with all of your brain dump and the right side has three bubbles where you can prioritize the top 3, the easy 3 and the next 3.   

Throw it away.  Now that it’s all out, you can think more clearly 

The benefits of brain dumping are wonderful.  It can help manage anxiety, over thinking, help organize your thoughts, help prioritization, and help with overwhelm.    It can also be very cathartic and cleansing, like a good cry.  Try it some time.  I highly recommend it.